


Roses

by SpaceBoyFromHell



Series: Hellish Rose [1]
Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:27:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24989809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceBoyFromHell/pseuds/SpaceBoyFromHell
Summary: Tadaomi's world was cold and colorless, until the day he met Reiji. Now, he can't stand the thought of that warmth and color being taken away.
Relationships: Karasuma Reiji/Kurama Tadaomi
Series: Hellish Rose [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962259
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Roses

White roses. A symbol of purity and innocence. 

Yellow roses. A symbol of joy, friendship, and caring. 

Red roses. A symbol of passion, romance, and desire. 

Blue roses. A symbol of achieving the impossible. 

Black roses. A symbol of death and mourning. 

Tadaomi read about the flowers with interest, as well as confusion. Why would someone assign such a deep meaning to something like a flower? Eventually the flower wilts away, and the meaning fades along with the dead plant. Though, he wouldn't know, as he had only seen the beautiful flowers in person a couple of times. The soft, silky petals, the thorny stem, and the sweet, calming scent. It was beautiful, but had no particular emotion associated with it. 

However, the majority of his memories also had no emotions. For his entire 17 years of life, he hadn't felt a single thing. Happiness, sadness, anger, all gone. The world was cold, colorless, and desolate. The only way Tadaomi knew what he was lacking, what he should've been able to feel, was in the faces of other people. For years, he wondered what the meaning of living was. If it was to feel something, anything, then why was he still alive? Each day he waited, hoping to feel something. But no feelings ever came. That is, until his third year of high school, when he met Reiji Karasuma. 

The moment he met Reiji, it was as if the entire world changed. He felt his heart start racing. Was that supposed to happen? As a light blush began to creep up his cheeks, he felt a sense of need. He needed to be by Reiji's side, as if his life depended on it. Was this what emotions are like? 

He looked back fondly on those memories. Every time he was with Reiji, his cold world was filled with warmth. The warmth that you can only feel when you're in love, though it had taken Tadaomi weeks to figure that out. One day, he finally decided to confess his feelings to Reiji. When he accepted his confession, Tadaomi immediately decided that was the happiest moment of his life. He could finally feel something. And everything he felt, he vowed to never let go of. 

Never let go of...unless it was forcibly taken from him. 

That night was all a blur. Dread drowned out all of Tadaomi's senses, replacing every feeling, every memory. He couldn't comprehend anything until the news hit him. Reiji Karasuma, the one person that was able to make him feel human, was dead. There was no way, right? It had to be. It had to be a lie. Was it another one of Shu's practical jokes? But when Tadaomi looked Shu's way, he was crying as well. Kanata, and even Haruka were sobbing. It wasn't true. It couldn't be. But even after weeks of waiting, hoping, praying, Reiji never returned. 

Tadaomi barely left his room anymore. What was the point? His world was cold again, but this was a different type of cold. It wasn't numbness, but pain. Suffering. Is this what mourning is? Hopelessness? Even hearing his bandmates's pleas, Tadaomi refused to step outside. It was just too painful. Too painful to recall anything, to be anywhere that reminded him of Reiji.

For the first time in his life, he was having dreams. No, not dreams. Nightmares. He was frozen in place, unable to move, as he started at Reiji in front of him. He watched, silently sobbing, as the black roses twisted tighter and tighter around Reiji's neck, suffocating him. Every night, it was all that Tadaomi saw. Even asleep, he still couldn't escape the cold, colorless, desolate waking world. 

It seemed that death was the only escape. The same abyss that Reiji had been dragged to, Tadaomi would enter willingly. He felt like he had nothing left to live for. Pain was the only thing he could feel, despite any attempts to recall happiness. What did that warmth feel like, again? The last thought Tadaomi ever had was of his nightmares, of Reiji dying every night. He was fixated on Reiji as he lost consciousness. 

It was Haruka who had found him. He stood there, stunned, feeling sick to his stomach before running off. The rest of Epsilon Phi, still mourning Reiji, were even more devastated to hear of Tadaomi's death as well. After losing both Reiji and Tadaomi, they agreed to disband, knowing that nothing would ever go back to normal, not like this. It was too painful to even think of trying to continue. 

Weeks later, Shu was laying in his dark bedroom, not bothering to get out of bed. He had school today? So what. It didn't matter to him. He was still fixated on all those painful memories. Watching Reiji be transported to the hospital, hearing Haruka screaming about Tadaomi's suicide, and watching as Haruka and Kanata left the sharehouse, leaving him painfully alone. He looked at the framed picture of Epsilon Phi after their first live on his wall, before screaming and tearing it down, smashing it onto the ground. The sound of breaking glass was little comfort to him as he collapsed and began to sob.

**Author's Note:**

> My god this hurt to write, someone please take away my thinking privileges. I'm definitely going to write A LOOOOOOT of fluff to make up for this. I'm sorry for writing this, and I'll delete it if I'm asked to.


End file.
